I thought I have managed my depression well.
My BP is fine; I can sleep, I can eat, I can think, I can work.
I'm so glad that I've made it, at least, I thought so....
Until yesterday, I made a decision.
A decision that I never wanted to, yet I have to make.
I've always wanted to serve Lord; using the gifts that He has given me.
However, circumstances make things change.
I apologized to Him; for not being strong enough to get through this test.
I've tried and reconsidered but I have my health to consider too.
I start to have trembling hands again,
I couldn't sleep and not sleeping well,
My emotions get very unstable,
My pulse rate starts to accelerate,
I start to have butterfly in the stomach........and so on.....
Something not good is creeping in, I know this familiar feelings.
I feel so sorry for not tolerating, for not understanding God's mission for me.
I'm scare to fall back to what I have been trying so hard to get out of.
I'm SORRY.
Dear er jie,
ReplyDeletePraying very much for you, then for the situation...
In times of pain and hurts we need to continue our conversations with the Lord and with one another.
有时不是生活目标使我们类，而是鞋子里的沙粒，让我们适时停下来把鞋子里的沙粒清理掉吧。我也是很努力的把鞋子，眼睛，心口……的各种沙粒清除……
I do not know whether is my principles or other obstacles/peppbles that are causing this situation. But one thing I felt terrible to leave like this, however, I feel better now when I found out that it was not I leaving them; they actually don't need me. My feelings of guilt was released.
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