I thought I have managed my depression well.
My BP is fine; I can sleep, I can eat, I can think, I can work.
I'm so glad that I've made it, at least, I thought so....
Until yesterday, I made a decision.
A decision that I never wanted to, yet I have to make.
I've always wanted to serve Lord; using the gifts that He has given me.
However, circumstances make things change.
I apologized to Him; for not being strong enough to get through this test.
I've tried and reconsidered but I have my health to consider too.
I start to have trembling hands again,
I couldn't sleep and not sleeping well,
My emotions get very unstable,
My pulse rate starts to accelerate,
I start to have butterfly in the stomach........and so on.....
Something not good is creeping in, I know this familiar feelings.
I feel so sorry for not tolerating, for not understanding God's mission for me.
I'm scare to fall back to what I have been trying so hard to get out of.
I'm SORRY.
